Okay, so as I mentioned, we took the kids to the zoo yesterday. When we sat down for lunch, someone I was with mentioned that she had seen an extremely obese woman during our visit to the petting zoo, who wore a t-shirt that read "Make Cookies, Not War". She then went on to ask "why on earth" anyone that large would want to draw attention to herself with a t-shirt that basically mocked her size. I thought about that for a few seconds and offered this..."maybe she wears it to show people that she can laugh at herself. She probably uses it as a diversion and as a way of denying how she really feels about herself, which I'm sure is very negaitve". She does this by saying to everyone 'yes, I am big...but pay no attention...I have a great sense of humor'. S shrugged, "yeah, maybe".
I thought more about miss T later that evening and I couldn't help but think about all the times that I too, had made jokes about my cellulite or pointed out my bat wing arms to friends with a snicker. And in looking back, I'm sure I did it to show them that these imperfections had not escaped my attention...I was fully aware of them. Furthermore, I think I intended to convey that not only was I comfortable with my jingling arms, I had somehow made the decision to have them...or at least to not care enough to not have them. Why would I do that you ask? Because I felt really poorly about myself and I didn't want to believe that I didn't have any power over my weight/body, which is how I've felt, most of the time (I was in denial, just like miss T). Strange I know, but it seems like something such as one's diet should be easy for her to control. I guess I'm trying to say that the lack of self-control I've felt has sometimes been more embarrassing than the weight itself...and I'm sure miss T felt that way too, at times. She knew that people would perceive her large size as a lack of self-control...and her t-shirt was her way of letting people know that this was a conscious choice she had made, even if it was not. So although I find myself incredibly sad for miss T, because I know deep down she probably loathes herself...or at least her size, I am tempted to give her props...for poking fun at herself (at least on the surface), and for not just giving up and holing up in her family room and eating an entire bucket of fried chicken...especially on such a beautiful day.
Since I'm here writing, I may as well relay my (excellent) food choices today...a little bit of guilt sure goes a long way. I had a piece of toast (whole grain white again) for breakfast with a tsp. of peanut butter and a cup of coffee with fat-free vanilla coffee mate (another weakness for sure, and one I intend to address in the near future). For lunch I had a grilled chicken salad (from Sonic) with a minimal amount of their ranch dressing...which turned out not to be light despite the fact that it was listed on the menu as such. My sister had something infinitely better....I won't go into the greasy, cheesy details, and I remarked that I "hated her" as I munched on my iceberg lettuce. I skipped my favorite drink (next to D.C.), a diet cherry limeade, in favor of Perrier with lemon at home. I had no afternoon snack today (that salad actually filled me up...go figure) and had a chicken fajita for dinner with a small amount of light sour cream. I really, really wanted a D.C. during dinner but somehow resisted even though one of my family members asked why I didn't "just have one?" The reason is easy. If I have ONE, I will have another one tomorrow and one the next day and so on and so forth. All in all ~ a terrific day of healthy eating for me. I do have one small confession though...something that just slipped my mind. Luckily when my sister read my blog from this morning, she was kind enough to remind me about the spoonful of fried ice cream I ate the other night while we were out for Mexican. Sisters are so helpful like that. Thanks sis!