Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Wrong Way Bozo

Okay, I'll be honest. I have been dreading writing this post for about a week now. Yes, I'm up a few EL-BEES but that's not really the reason for my dread. I am really embarrassed at this point at my apparent "falling off the wagon". I know every dieter has her ups and downs but I am in a true slump here. I used to be able to muster up enthusiasm at the prospect of starting anew and now it is fleeting, if it appears at all. I am up four-and-a-half lbs. since my last post. Yep, that's two-and-a-quarter lbs. per week...not an easy feat. I won't make excuses here because I have none. Yes, I ate and drank all kinds of naughty things over the long weekend and no, I didn't exercise (except for once). In my (attempt at a misguided) defense, I decided to kick my exercise plan up a notch and jog on the treadmill for 30 minutes rather than walking. By later that afternoon, I had serious hip pain. By the next morning, I felt so stiff I could barely walk and actually had to take two doses of Advil. Pathetic. Now that I think about it, my husband didn't seem all that surprised at how out of shape I really am. Curses.

I have felt really miserable physically these past few weeks. The more "junk" I eat, the worse I feel, yet I keep doing it. I'm like a robot who is pre-programmed to put fatty crap in my mouth. I consciously know (I actually THINK about it) before I eat that big ol' bowl of pasta (or whatever crap happens to be placed to my lips at the moment) that I will regret it...yet I do it anyway. And to make matters worse, I continue to eat it even when I'm if finishing said meal will prove some kind of depraved point that I really am the world's most rebellious dieter. It's really maddening. Again with the self-sabotage. I mean really...seriously? I wish you could hear the loud sigh I just let out. That about sums it up people.

As for how to get back on track, I wish I knew. I guess tomorrow is yet another day. That's the good news. I promise you this matter how futile my attempts to lose weight may be in the future, I will keep writing about it here - and with more consistency than I have these past couple of weeks (my computer really was down but is fixed now). Hooray!

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