Never Say Never

For all of you who keep asking what happened to my blog, where is my blog, here it is again. I have to be honest, I have my reservations about starting this thing up again. First, it takes a lot of time. And those of you who know me know I am somewhat of a perfectionist (at everything besides dieting, that is). I became extremely busy last summer while focusing on my new business and was blogging less and less and felt guilty. That’s the main reason I stopped. Second, at times it is tough to air all of your dirty laundry. It is motivating...yes, inspiring...yes, and TOUGH. This time around is going to be the same, maybe worse.

I went back and re-read my last five posts or so and guess I’m ready to jump back in. Here goes. My last post was on September 21st where I declared my weight at 164.4. I can catch you up quickly on the past four months. I continued down that road of self indulgence through Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and of course, football season woven throughout. My husband got a new deep fryer too at the beginning of football season so we could practice healthy eating with our neighbors every Sunday during the games - thank you very much! Which brings me to what I weighed at the onset of 2011 – 172. I was back up to practically where I started last Spring. All that hard work undone – just – like – that.

Let me back up to around Christmas-time. I was so sick of eating and drinking (but how ELSE am I going to get through the holidays, right?). You’ll recall my friends who tried the HCG diet last summer and had such wonderful success. Well, six months later, she had only put two pounds back on (due to “holiday” weight). In addition, one of my other friends at work had lost an amazing 52 lbs. on HCG in approximately 3 months. I know I said I’d “never do it”. Well, at this point I thought what the hell. I ordered it. I got the sublingual drops (you put under your tongue) online. I planned to start them on 1/8 and I did. Fast forward 19 days and I have lost roughly 16 lbs. I weighed in this morning at 156.3.

I know I will have some of you telling me the same exact things I told some of my friends when I first heard they were doing this diet – it’s unhealthy, it’s a fad, the weight will come back, blah, blah, blah and that is fine. I did quite a bit of reading online beforehand and I am comfortable right now with what I’m doing. And I am even taking that a step farther by blogging about it again here because I want to share my experience with you all. I hope you can at least be supportive of that.
That at least gets you all caught up. More soon on the ins and outs of this bumpy ride…and that is has been.

Back in the Saddle Again

Okay, I know I’ve been about as diligent in writing this blog as I have been with the whole dieting thing…and for that I apologize. I won’t go into a bunch of excuses here…because let’s be honest, nobody really cares (including me). But the time has come. I’ve taken the entire summer off to gorge on bbq, chips and dip, potato salad, Summer Shandy…..and now my friends, summer is coming to an end. And alas, so must my binging on unhealthy foods.

Last Spring when I was relaying everything I ate to you, I was the most successful. So I’m going to start again. I will try to make it as quick and painless as possible. I weighed in this morning at 164.4 lbs. I believe my lowest weight (back about 4 months ago) was 159. So now I have 5 lbs. to lose to get back to where I was...which, let’s face it - it’s never fun having to re-lose weight you’ve already taken off once. I am currently wearing a size 10 and although I’m happy with it and have bought some new pants (finally), it’s not my ultimate goal (which is still to reach 130 by my 40th birthday next May).

My plan is to cut back to 1,200 calories per day again (ah, joy), to record it on my Spark People website and lastly, to report back to all of you here. I also plan to start walking on the treadmill again at least 5 days a week (which will kill two birds with one stone because my hubby will finally quit nagging at me for not using it when I HAD to have it last Spring). Wish me luck!

A Perfect Ten

It's been an uneventful past couple of weeks. I have been eating really poorly lately...I mean REALLY poorly. As an example, last Friday night I had Doritos and cookie dough for dinner. I have also been sampling adult beverages on more nights than I care to admit. Chalk it up to stress. Well, that...and the fact that it's 109 degrees outside and I just enjoy a cold beer on those types of days. I am still within 5 lbs. of my lowest (stomach flu induced) weight to date. I think I'm at 162 or so. Not bad, considering. Did I mention the Doritos? I seem to have a real problem with those these days. My husband keeps asking if I'm pregnant. I'm not.

I finally broke down and bought three new pairs of size 10 pants. Immediately my husband says, "I guess the diet's off". Well, not exactly, although it has been lately. I have recently had a few social occasions which called for the wearing of pants. Fitting, professional pants, that is. Besides...what if I decide not to lose any more weight for the next 3-6 months?? I'm just not in the mood to eat healthfully right now. I guess that really sums it up. Although I waxed on and on about this being a "lifestyle change", it still takes effort - major effort. The choices, although somewhat less difficult to make now, are not that easily made. It definitely doesn't come naturally. I still have to make a conscious effort to have salad for lunch rather than the burger I really want. Maybe I was kidding myself.

I don't plan on giving up. I'm just taking a break. I feel truly happy with my current weight. Yes, I still wish I had less cellulite, stretch marks, a flatter stomach...the list goes on. But all in all, I feel good in my skin and my clothes. There's something to be said for that.

I will continue the journey, just not as hardcore right now. I will eventually have to get back to writing down here everything I've eaten - that's the only thing that really seemed to make me feel accountable. I'm just not at that point right this minute but I'm perfectly okay with that.

Fad Diet Anyone?

Okay. I'm sure most of you have heard of the infamous HCG diet by now and probably even know someone who's tried it. Two of my friends recently tried it and they had awesome results...of course. She lost 14 lbs. in the first two weeks and her husband lost 18 lbs. I was over at their house for dinner and they fixed me a yummy salad (like that always do...they make the best salads ever...and I'm not even a salad person) complete with feta and pine nuts. Yum. They had plain leaf lettuce (you're not allowed any sort of dressing - just lemon juice), a chicken breast and four or five pieces of Melba toast. Yum again. They explain to me that they got their "supplies" online and you take a few drops in your morning water (you cannot eat for the first three hours every day), have a lunch that consists of exactly what I just described above and a dinner that consists of exactly what I described above....every day for 26 days. You're limited to around 500 calories a day. I immediately ask them if they think they'd probably lose a similar amount of weight just eating 500 calories a day and skipping the hormones. "Maybe. But the drops ensure you are burning fat and not muscle mass." Not quite sure why this is. My next comment..."Good luck keeping it off". We all know that's a whole different ball game. Don't get me wrong, I wish them success...I'm just skeptical. But that's my nature. Even so, I (of course) contemplate ordering the drops and when I look at one of the many websites devoted to this fad, it explains how your weight loss on this diet comes from fat stores and not muscle but in the end, I really didn't understand how or why. I'll admit it....I'm no expert on physiology.

I'll concede that I sometimes post certain statuses on FB just for a reaction. I want to know what people think of certain "hot" topics. I like to play devil's advocate. Like when I asked if people let their kids watch Spongebob. I don't really care...I just want to know who thinks what and why. I find it interesting. Anyway...moving on. So I post the following status -- "thinking about ordering HCG drops. Anyone tried this fad diet and if so, what kind of results did you have?" I got about six or seven responses and had several more people send me private messages saying (in a nutshell) "don't do it". I also got sent links to everyone from Dr. Oz to Richard Simmons giving me THEIR opinions (they're against. Go figure).

When you see people around you having such fantastic results with "fad" diets, it's difficult not to be tempted into doing them yourself. I'm 39-years-old and I know myself pretty well. I knew deep down I would never order them no matter how tempted I was. I'm just not built that way. Not that I've never tried fat diets...I just know through experience that even if they work, you can't keep the weight off. The only way to lose weight healthfully and to have much better odds at keeping it off is to eat better/less and exercise. Period. I know this...everyone knows this. And this knowledge is reinforced by the fact that I have managed to keep all the weight I've lost off just by making better choices every day.

I'm not lecturing people...if they have luck with a method and feel it's right for them, they should do it. I just know weight loss is a slow and steady thing. You need to stay the course. Besides, I can't imagine how crappy I'd feel eating 500 calories a day.

Too Hot to do Anything Other than Eat and Drink...

Boy, I'm just failing all over the place here. I keep meaning to post something but I have not lost any weight...well, really...and I am feeling less-than-inspired these days. There I go again ~ making excuses.

I weighed in at 158.4 yesterday. Aside from last month when I had the stomach flu, that's the lowest I've been since I started this blog. The funny thing is (not haha funny - but you know...) that I haven't been working out at all and I haven't really been watching what I eat either. I'm somehow maintaining the weight loss to-date, thankfully. People keep commenting that I look thinner but I have to assure them that alas, I am not. So for that, I am thankful too. I always say "better to look good than to feel good".

I don't know what it is about summer. Most people experience more weight issues/gain in the winter...particularly in MN (where I'm from) and other cold states. There's not much to do in the winter time there other than curl up with a good book and a big bowl of beef stew. I used to gain 10 lbs. every winter and then it would fall right off in the Spring once it started getting nice outside and I could leave the couch. Maybe I'm just experiencing the reverse in AZ. I'm not as active this time of year (too darn hot to be outside unless you're floating in the pool...and we all know how many calories THAT burns)...Then add the constant BBQs, margaritas, etc. etc. and it becomes a real challenge to lose weight (or even maintain) in the summer here. During the winter however, us Phoenicians become more active and the temptation to cool your core temperature with a Blue Moon (or several) dissipates.

I will say this though - even though I'm not losing, I haven't really gained either. I find that I am making better decisions now and that even when I eat something "bad", I eat less of it. Hey - that must count for something!

On another note, I'm back on the juice...er, Diet Coke. Not full-time, but I have had one or two a week. I can honestly say now that it doesn't seem to have an effect one way or another. I do crave sweets less though when I don't have that sugary aspartame coursing through my veins. I actually bought a 20 oz. bottle a few weeks ago, took 3 sips and threw the rest out. It tastes much more bitter now and I usually don't finish an entire can. Good news for my bones anyway.

Wrong Way Bozo

Okay, I'll be honest. I have been dreading writing this post for about a week now. Yes, I'm up a few EL-BEES but that's not really the reason for my dread. I am really embarrassed at this point at my apparent "falling off the wagon". I know every dieter has her ups and downs but I am in a true slump here. I used to be able to muster up enthusiasm at the prospect of starting anew and now it is fleeting, if it appears at all. I am up four-and-a-half lbs. since my last post. Yep, that's two-and-a-quarter lbs. per week...not an easy feat. I won't make excuses here because I have none. Yes, I ate and drank all kinds of naughty things over the long weekend and no, I didn't exercise (except for once). In my (attempt at a misguided) defense, I decided to kick my exercise plan up a notch and jog on the treadmill for 30 minutes rather than walking. By later that afternoon, I had serious hip pain. By the next morning, I felt so stiff I could barely walk and actually had to take two doses of Advil. Pathetic. Now that I think about it, my husband didn't seem all that surprised at how out of shape I really am. Curses.

I have felt really miserable physically these past few weeks. The more "junk" I eat, the worse I feel, yet I keep doing it. I'm like a robot who is pre-programmed to put fatty crap in my mouth. I consciously know (I actually THINK about it) before I eat that big ol' bowl of pasta (or whatever crap happens to be placed to my lips at the moment) that I will regret it...yet I do it anyway. And to make matters worse, I continue to eat it even when I'm full...as if finishing said meal will prove some kind of depraved point that I really am the world's most rebellious dieter. It's really maddening. Again with the self-sabotage. I mean really...seriously? I wish you could hear the loud sigh I just let out. That about sums it up people.

As for how to get back on track, I wish I knew. I guess tomorrow is yet another day. That's the good news. I promise you this though...no matter how futile my attempts to lose weight may be in the future, I will keep writing about it here - and with more consistency than I have these past couple of weeks (my computer really was down but is fixed now). Hooray!

Human Nature

Hey folks...sorry about my extended absence; my computer has been down for over a week. Hey, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Besides, it happens to be the truth.

I will start off with the positive. Thanks to my recent bout of stomach flu this week, I am down to 157. The bad and the ugly...I have been eating pretty crappy these past couple of weeks. Two weeks ago now, I went hiking with a friend. We had a frank talk about our weight loss struggles...T has lost over 40 lbs. towards her goal of 55 and is truly an inspiration to me. Like most mortals who lose weight, she has slipped a bit and gained a few back but is looking to re-motivate herself to reach her goal. Sound familiar? I told her I felt stuck and unmotivated. I told her I did not know how to get un-stuck and she, of course, sympathized. By the end of our hike, I felt re-energized and ready to get back on that horse (not eat it). We made a friendly bet too, that whoever could lose more weight in 2 weeks would treat the other to a pedicure. This Sunday those 2 weeks will be up and I have a bad feeling that her toes will benefit at my expense. T did spend last weekend at the US Open so my only hope is that she too, drank beer and ate fried food all weekend, thus putting us on a level playing field. To make matters worse, we went by our weight that morning, at which point I was at my lowest (although I'm down 1.8 measly lbs. since then). If not for my flu bug, I'd probably be UP four lbs.

I don't know where I lost my newly acquired motivation or how I lost it so quickly...but it seems I am truly stuck. For some reason, I've lost the will to lose weight at this point in time. Human nature sucks.